The Problem with Happy Endings

I was just reading a kids devotional to see if it was one I might want to read to N.

The first day of the devotional was sad.

I keep trying to skip to my happy ending, but I keep finding myself stuck in--what J, I and Brene Brown lovingly refer to as--Act Two

Every time I skip to Happy Ending... Act Two slaps me in the face and says, "Haha! Not yet you don't!"

It sucks...

I Want My Mommy

Being a parent is the best hard thing I've ever done. I love it excruciatingly

One thing that I've discovered that is making it a bit harder than I even thought it would be is not having Grandma here.

Grandma loves my little boy about as much as...

Still Moving Forward

 Last night Noah fell asleep in my arms after eating.

He snuggled up against me in my bed and I prayed I could just fall asleep and not have to move him.

Because oh man.

Those moments.

Heaven.

I prayed. I thanked God for my boy. And dear Jesus please just make time stand still for a little bit. Don't let my boy grow up just yet.

I Could Never

No one ever believes me.

No matter how much I preface beforehand as soon as the words "I'm running a half-marathon tomorrow" come out of my mouth people refuse to believe I'm not an athlete.

No really. In high school I thought runners were worse than nerds. I thought sitting and practicing for a math-a-thon sounded like more fun than going out for a jog.

When I decided I wanted to become a runner I downloaded a C25K App (Couch to 5K) and the first run it takes you on says to run for SIXTY seconds and walk for ninety and I COULDN'T DO IT!

I couldn't jog for a MINUTE. That's how much I'm not a runner.

Start.

"I mean, I always knew my life wasn't over yet... but I never thought it hadn't even started yet." I looked incredulously at J with my hand still hovering over the pause button on the car stereo. 

He gets this goofy little grin on his face when he knows I've had an epiphany. It's an excited, but empathetic look, like he's known for years what I'm just figuring out. But he could tell I was choking on a little bit of emotion threatening its way out and he was probably trying not to quote Hook at the moment, but normally at this point in a conversation...

Just Because I Am

Everyday, over and over, I tell N (my 5 month old). 

"I just love you."

"I'm so proud of you."

I find myself asking, "Why? Why am I proud of him? All he does is poop and eat and smile?"

It's not like any of those things require courage or intellect...