I just saw an ad that said that real moms everywhere are rewriting the rules for how to be a good parent. And... REALLY?I don't think so.I think most of us have decided that being a good parent is hogwash. Not freaking possible.Does that mean don't try? Well, no, I don't think so, but I … Continue reading Stop Being So Good
I slept in today. But I had a really good reason. So I'm okay with it. I'm okay that I didn't get a shower. I didn't get to make myself breakfast (or help clean up the one that was made for me, thanks, Love.) I didn't get to write the blog that was spinning in … Continue reading Asking “Why?” is Keeping You Stuck
All we had to do was put an X on every day we'd read our Bibles in the little calendar and we'd get a dollar for each day. I think my bigger brothers had to read at least a whole chapter for it to count and my goal was smaller... but I don't remember the details. All I remember is...
I was just reading a kids devotional to see if it was one I might want to read to N.
The first day of the devotional was sad.
I keep trying to skip to my happy ending, but I keep finding myself stuck in--what J, I and Brene Brown lovingly refer to as--Act Two
Every time I skip to Happy Ending... Act Two slaps me in the face and says, "Haha! Not yet you don't!"
For those who don't know, a year and four days before Noah's birth we lost our first baby to a miscarriage. I blogged about it, at the encouragement of my counselor and you can read my story here.
It's been 18 months and now I hold a sweet baby in my arms everyday and the ache is dulled. At the simple mention of someone else's loss though I remember so acutely. The physical pain and the ache in my chest.
I've spoken to a few people lately who have had their own version of this tragedy and want to speak to some things that have helped me walk through the pain. If you're asking, "I had a miscarriage, what do I do now?" I hope this helps you the way it helped me....
I showed up this morning.
I did something. It had become obvious no one else was going to show up. And it needed to be done.
Through the longest season of depression I've experienced so far in my life, I'm learning one thing that really and actually helps me everyday I do it is: just showing up.
I tend to have really high expectations of myself and if I think I won't be able to meet my own expectations then it would be better if I never got started. I'm learning that's a lie...
After coming through the seemingly darkest time in my life so far, I've learned a lot more about depression this time around than I ever have understood before.
Depression is not a pity party. People who are depressed do not enjoy feeling sad. It's not that if we think of enough positive things, we'll snap out of it. It's not that we're focused only on the negative things.
At first it seems like overwhelming sadness, but the sadness doesn't come because of a pity party over the bad things in life. The sadness and even anger for me came because I realized I couldn't feel good things.
Every once in a while I’ll get completely caught up in something outside myself and I won’t notice how I’m feeling and I won’t be thinking horrible things about myself and my life.
That’s it! I thought to myself. I just need to start focusing on what’s going on around me and then I won’t be so depressed anymore!
There's another facet here though. See, I think my counselor would call it something different than "helping others". I think she would call it distracting yourself.
When you've been depressed for a while a good day is a really weird sensation.
It's sorta like the tingling after your foots fallen asleep. You've been incapable of feeling things for a while and then suddenly you're happy. You felt it, you're sure. But then the tingling starts in... I this happiness fleeting? How long will it last? Is it just a memory of happiness, a mirage?