Beach Sunsets and Snow Forts

I remember building snow forts deep in the snow in winter and swinging from the laundry t-post lines in the summer. And I remember all of us being friends. My brothers and all the neighbors. But Kate was my best friend. 

I didn't want to leave North Dakota and I didn't understand why my parents were so eager to. My dad had been assigned there for six years, longer than most military assignments and it wasn't exactly an ideal location. Colorado was wonderful compared to North Dakota, they said. 

But I don't have friends in Colorado. 

I remember praying every night with my dad that I would make friends. I was desperate for friends. 

Now, we're just beginning to feel connected here in San Diego, three years later, and we're getting ready to start over.

Let me rewind...

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The End.

New Years Eve J and I were driving home from his sister's and realized east on the 56 was not the direction we wanted to go.

We went toward the sunset, then up the coast to Del Mar Beach.

Seven and a half years ago it's where we shared our first kiss. Six years and five days ago it's where he gave me a ring and said he wanted to grow old with me. New Years Eve 2015 it's where our story ended...

Hallelujah, Blessed Savior

I'm pretty sure I heard God speak to me through this 92-year-old man.

I lay in my bed wide-eyed, tears peeking through.

I wanted to jump up and run back and kneel by his bed and look him in the eyes and say, "No, you can stop trying! You don't have to do more than what you can. You don't even have to do anything. It's all taken care of."

But I felt paralyzed...

A Time to Share

Most people tell you when you get pregnant you should wait 12 weeks to tell people so that you're out of the danger zone. Once you get past 12 weeks, you likely won't have a miscarriage and then you won't have to go back to all the people you told and tell them the baby died.

So I didn't tell everyone I was pregnant. We told our families and the friends who saw us regularly. Then we did have a miscarriage. And I will tell you, it was NOT easy to tell those people we'd lost the baby.

But you know what was harder?

Our Family

{Warning: This post is long and sad. I'm making up for it by adding pictures.}This month our little Hagen family became a real family. We are parents.We also lost our first child this month.This blog is where we tell our story and I guess this is part of our story. So I guess I can share it. Sometimes stories are … Continue reading Our Family