I Want My Mommy

Being a parent is the best hard thing I've ever done. I love it excruciatingly

One thing that I've discovered that is making it a bit harder than I even thought it would be is not having Grandma here.

Grandma loves my little boy about as much as...

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Still Moving Forward

 Last night Noah fell asleep in my arms after eating.

He snuggled up against me in my bed and I prayed I could just fall asleep and not have to move him.

Because oh man.

Those moments.

Heaven.

I prayed. I thanked God for my boy. And dear Jesus please just make time stand still for a little bit. Don't let my boy grow up just yet.

I Couldn’t. Then I Did.

When I woke up today I was actually a different person than I was when I woke up yesterday. When woke up today, I was a person who finished 13.1 miles in less than three hours. That's a person I never thought I'd be. But I am that person.

Until a few years ago I said that running a half marathon was impossible for me.

Today when I woke up, I'm someone who's accomplished something impossible...

I Could Never

No one ever believes me.

No matter how much I preface beforehand as soon as the words "I'm running a half-marathon tomorrow" come out of my mouth people refuse to believe I'm not an athlete.

No really. In high school I thought runners were worse than nerds. I thought sitting and practicing for a math-a-thon sounded like more fun than going out for a jog.

When I decided I wanted to become a runner I downloaded a C25K App (Couch to 5K) and the first run it takes you on says to run for SIXTY seconds and walk for ninety and I COULDN'T DO IT!

I couldn't jog for a MINUTE. That's how much I'm not a runner.

You Deserve More

Two donuts. Yep. I did it. I'm generally good at avoiding gluten because of a sensitivity, but those salesmen show up at work with a box of donuts and I'm toast...errr... fried? There isn't a person on the planet who thinks to herself, my body is going to thank me if I eat two donuts this morning. So why does anyone in her right mind eat donuts at all?

Do Something You Love

The thing that I'm learning about accomplishing my dreams that has actually surprised me the most is that it's really important for me to take time to enjoy my life. It will be easier for me to accomplish anything--fun or unfun--if I spend 20 minutes a day doing something I LOVE.

5 things that helped after my miscarriage.

For those who don't know, a year and four days before Noah's birth we lost our first baby to a miscarriage. I blogged about it, at the encouragement of my counselor and you can read my story here.

It's been 18 months and now I hold a sweet baby in my arms everyday and the ache is dulled. At the simple mention of someone else's loss though I remember so acutely. The physical pain and the ache in my chest.

I've spoken to a few people lately who have had their own version of this tragedy and want to speak to some things that have helped me walk through the pain. If you're asking, "I had a miscarriage, what do I do now?" I hope this helps you the way it helped me....

Start.

"I mean, I always knew my life wasn't over yet... but I never thought it hadn't even started yet." I looked incredulously at J with my hand still hovering over the pause button on the car stereo. 

He gets this goofy little grin on his face when he knows I've had an epiphany. It's an excited, but empathetic look, like he's known for years what I'm just figuring out. But he could tell I was choking on a little bit of emotion threatening its way out and he was probably trying not to quote Hook at the moment, but normally at this point in a conversation...

Just Because I Am

Everyday, over and over, I tell N (my 5 month old). 

"I just love you."

"I'm so proud of you."

I find myself asking, "Why? Why am I proud of him? All he does is poop and eat and smile?"

It's not like any of those things require courage or intellect...